


Under the Blue

by Tiny_Black_Cat



Series: Carmilla Mermaid AU [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, Happy late Mermay lol, I didn't necessarily write Carmilla as autistic but she's autistic fyi, I'm figuring out how to tag, Inspired by someone talking about how mermaids have sex, No explicit rape but lots of non-consensual elements, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, actuallyautistic, bad shit happening, mermaid au, no smut though, nonverbal Carmilla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-17 00:45:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14822012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiny_Black_Cat/pseuds/Tiny_Black_Cat
Summary: Carmilla is a mermaid and has flashbacks, thanks to Ell. Fun times.Sort of Hollstein but mostly about Carmilla, with a guest appearance from Mattie.I'm unsatisfied with the title but it’s pretty much the biggest thing keeping me from posting this.





	Under the Blue

**Author's Note:**

> This was first written starting on 1/1/17 and although it would be cool to write more for this, I probably won't. In my head I have a pretty extensive backstory for this AU and Ell and Carmilla's relationship and there's a lot there but hopefully I have all the warnings up that are necessary....
> 
> Mermaid mythology (mostly) inspired by the show H2O: Just Add Water but this fic is ... darker than that show.
> 
> Also I'm figuring out how to use AO3, so hopefully this is tagged and formatted correctly.

Laura giggled as Carmilla splashed her. She swam closer to Carmilla.

They were in the Silas pool, and Carmilla has never felt so safe. On some level she knew the pool was no safer than any other time, but it was new and comforting to not be swimming alone.

Carmilla's breath caught in her throat as Laura backed her up against the wall.

"You're fast," she said. Laura had been amazed at Carmilla's speed. She'd also been more than a little transfixed by Carmilla's dark hair and red scales.

"You're not so bad yourself, cupcake."

Laura grabbed the wall with one arm, bringing herself closer. She shivered.

Carmilla suddenly transformed. Sopping wet, she now had regained her legs and clothes.

"Uh - " Laura smiled in bewilderment. "Is that supposed to happen?"

Carmilla swore. Blushing, she hauled herself out of the pool. Laura followed her lead.

With shaky hands Carmilla was attempting to steam-dry her clothes. She swore again as she accidentally burned herself.

Laura had grabbed a towel. When Carmilla was dry, she turned back to Laura.

She refused to meet her eyes. "I can dry you off."

Her hands were still shaking but Laura could tell how much effort Carmilla put into being gentle. From her hands came a soft wave of heat that slowly warmed.

However, it was slow. "I can finish," Laura offered. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Carmilla's words were not convincing. "I just realized I had to get to class - I'm sorry."

"Oh. See you later tonight?"

"Uh - yeah." Carmilla nodded and left the room at a speed that was nearly running.

 

***

 

She made it back to her room. Dropping her bag on the floor, she grabbed her phone and dialed a number. "Mattie?"

"Mircalla?"

"It's me." Carmilla closed the door and walked back to her bed. She sat with her back to the wall and her legs pulled to her chest.

Matska waited.

"I was swimming, just now. With Laura. And I know I shouldn't have been, I know, Mattie, but ... my tail turned."

"Because of Laura?"

Carmilla was blushing. "Who else?"

"Well, you know what that means, don't you?"

Carmilla rested her forehead on her knees. "I do. Some cissexist mermaid evolution thing that means I wanted to mate. It was just embarrassing."

"Laura didn't know what it meant, though, did she?"

"No."

"Would she look it up?"

Carmilla groaned. "Fuck. She would. Fuckfuckfuck."

Mattie laughed. "It's okay, darling. It was probably the first time it happened, wasn't it?"

Carmilla frowned. "It ... no it wasn't."

_A bathtub. It was too small for her tail._

"Carmilla?"

_If she didn't have a tail she could just walk right out. Only Ell was there and Ell made her knees wobbly but now it was different._

"Mircalla."

_Ell stared at her reverently. Or maybe she stared at her tail._

_If Carmilla could say something, she could be free. She could persuade Ell to let her go, persuaded her she was human. She could even enthrall her if necessary._

_Water splashed onto the floor as Ell entered the bath. She stood over Carmilla with the red tail between her legs._

_"You are mine," she said. "My beautiful."_

_Despite herself, Carmilla shifted. Her tail turned to water into legs._

_"What did you do?"_

_Carmilla shook her head._

_"Nothing? You're in water. You should have a tail."_

_Her face curved into a smile. "Is it me?" She stroked Carmilla's hair. "Do you have legs for me? All animals have to reproduce somehow."_

_Carmilla felt weak and tired. Ell stepped out of the bath and dried her legs. She smiled at Carmilla before jotting something down on a scrap of paper. "Thank you, Mircalla."_

"Mircalla! Answer me, kittycat." Mattie's voice returned.

Shaking, Carmilla could not reply. She drew in a deep breath and ended the call.

With another breath she opened the messages app. She sent one word. "Mattie."

The response came instantly. "Are you alright?" In another bubble, "You stopped talking. Please tell me what's wrong."

A third message was being typed until Carmilla responded, "Sorry."

Carmilla closed her eyes and then typed, "I freaked out."

"Is this about Laura still? Mircalla, I think you had a panic attack."

Carmilla ignored the second sentence. "It wasn't Laura."

Mattie took a second to respond. "Was this about ... her?"

Carmilla went back to the home screen and called Mattie. She took a deep breath.

"It was."

On the other end, Mattie was silent.

"When you asked me if it was the first time my tail - " Carmilla choked. "When my tail turned - " She was suddenly out of air.

"Mircalla." Mattie's voice was firm. "Take a breath. Count to three. Okay? Another breath. Now. You don't have to say anything. I don't want you to be hurting yourself."

Carmilla shook her head. "I want to tell you. If you'll hear." Her voice dropped. "You already know some of it."

"If you want me to listen, I'll listen."

"It was Ell." Carmilla had started to twirl her hair with one hand. "One of the first days of - my capture - she got in the tub with me. I couldn't talk. I couldn't move. My legs turn and I hated that - that my body interpreted that as sexual pleasure. It - and she knew it."

She didn't know why she had started crying. Across the world, Mattie wished she could comfort her sister.

"And Laura's going to ask!" Carmilla continued. "I don't think I can have that conversation with her. Ever. I told Laura the barest details about her."

"Mircalla." Mattie managed to convey her sympathies in three syllables."

"I miss you," Carmilla said. "I can't do this alone." She laughed. "Don't leave me alone."

"Darling.... " Mattie was at a loss for words. "If I could, I would be back tomorrow."

"But you can't." Carmilla shook her head. She wasn't sure if she was mad at her sister or at herself. Or at life.

"All I can say is that I love you. And that I'll come home."

"When?"

"I have no idea, darling. You know how Maman is. Never satisfied. I don't think it'll be soon.

You're strong, don't you know that, kittycat? You'll make it through this. You always have."

"I don't want to."

"You have to. Promise me, Carmilla. For me and for your Laura."

With one hand Carmilla grabbed her blankets and buried herself beneath them. "I promise."

"You won't kill yourself when I'm gone?"

Carmilla smiled wryly. "No."

"I'll call you every day. Remember the time difference."

"I will."

"I love you, kittycat."

"I love you too."

"Bye." Mattie ended the call.

Carmilla slowly moved the phone away from her ear. She tossed it across the room, where it landed by Laura's bed.

She burrowed deeper into her blankets and closed her eyes.


End file.
